Grateful for the Journey ~ Guest Blog, Vancouver WA, Boudoir Photography

This time of year, we often hear the phrase, “’Tis the Season for Giving.” We shop like mad on Black Friday. We think long and hard for a gift for that person who already has everything. We are more open to donating to charities. We try to help those who are less fortunate.

This time of year often has us so busy with giving. Who are we giving to? Our kids, their teachers and coaches, our neighbors, the delivery drivers dropping off all of our packages, our immediate and extended family members, and even to strangers. But do you know who we’re not giving to at this time of year? Ourselves.

We put ourselves last in order to accomplish all the things.

The primary reason I sought to do boudoir photography is because I wanted to give myself this experience. My session with Brittney was for me. While my husband loved my pictures, he was not my reason for posing in my underwear. I wanted to celebrate me. I wanted to give myself a gift.

I was about to turn 40. I had spent 18 months navigating the pandemic with grade school children, balancing distance learning with working from home. Those 18 months just did me in. I was desperate for something for myself. And I found that in boudoir photography.

For me, I went through a process of transformation, but more of it occurred on the inside than on the outside. (Even though her hair and makeup artist made me look amazing!) The transformation happened on multiple levels. First came the thoughts of “What am I going to wear?” I put a lot of thought into my lingerie choices. What will support “the girls” while also looking like “me?” What can cover that one spot I’m sensitive about? How revealing can I be while also being somewhat modest? I also had to work through nerves in the days leading up to the shoot and find a place deep within where I could bravely lift my chin and walk in that door, get all dolled up, and take off my clothes. It really is a personal transformation on a deeper level than what I had initially anticipated.

Some people may think they need to lose the 15 or 25 or 50 pounds they keep trying to lose before doing their session. I am an example of saying the exact opposite.

Due to the stress of the pandemic and navigating a health crisis with one of my children, I am at a higher weight than I was even after my pregnancies. That’s a hard thing to admit, but it’s true. I had gained and lost the baby weight twice. And then the pandemic and a health crisis came along, and everything went out the window. I now find myself in a pants size I’ve never been in before. However, through a journey that was helped by like-minded women in Brittney’s Facebook group (you should totally join!), I am not ashamed to pose in my underwear and not be the size I was a few years ago.

Weight is a number. Beauty cannot be measured. I am so grateful for the journey of learning to love and accept myself as I am today, not what my ideal is, whether that’s from the past or in the future. Loving and accepting myself as I am has brought so much peace to my soul.

When I look at my boudoir photos, yes, I see the weight, but I don’t focus on it. I see me being brave. I see that I am happy. I see that I don’t care what other people think about me. I see that I am embracing my flaws and embracing the moment. I want to look back on this moment in 20 years and not even see the weight anymore, just the beauty. How my eyes were full of joy. How my smile was serene. How I was as surprised as the next person that I could look that hot in a black slip laying on red sheets.

Boudoir photography can express so many things. Passion. Love. Acceptance. Confidence. Desire. But it does so much more than that when you go through the process from beginning to end. You come out the other side with a different perspective than you had going in.

You come out transformed. That is the true beauty and treasure of boudoir photography.

So what are you giving yourself this season?

Take some time to think about it. Whether it is this gift of a journey of transformation with boudoir photography or simply a massage or a pedicure, from one woman to another, don’t forget to give yourself something this season. You give so much to so many others. Give something to yourself. I’m giving you permission.