Seeing My True Self ~ Guest Blog, Vancouver, WA Boudoir Photography

Turning 35 was something I’d been scared about… who wants to get older? 

Getting sexy in front of a stranger sounded just as scary… what if I look stupid?

Over the past 2 years of my life I took on a journey of finding me, Ashley. I was always defined as a daughter, a wife, a mother, a coach, something - but who was I?

Having Harrington rods from scoliosis always made me self-conscious and therefore I began to hide my body and that felt like I gave myself permission to not take care of it or enjoy it. I’m someone who dances in her room in front of a mirror being carefree alone, but I don’t dance anymore in front of others as my confidence level was shot. 

I went on a health journey in 2019 after my mom passed in 2016. I realized that eating my feelings was not the best thing for me, or for anyone. 110lbs later, and almost 800 straight days of working out, I started to become more comfortable in my skin — but I still didn’t let myself enjoy the work I put into me. 

When I saw someone I know do a boudoir shoot I thought how brave and freeing that must have been. It’s been something I’ve always wanted to do but I feared my body wouldn’t feel like mine and it would be embarrassing and humiliating to stand in front of someone in a vulnerable state getting photos done.

I saw Brittney doing a birthday special and I thought, why not? There’s never going to be a more perfect time and this was a gift for me.

I reached out to Brittney and after our consult I felt excitement and nervous, but she put me at ease and I knew this was going to be special. 

The day of the shoot was more than I could have ever hoped for - here I am a Leo baby all the way. I got my hair and make up done (something I’ve never had) and felt like a queen - looking in the mirror I couldn’t help but feel sexy.

I laid out my outfits and we picked what would work with what sets. I put on my crown and held a cupcake all while looking and feeling my best. I couldn’t help but feel like the most gorgeous model getting her time to shine. Throughout it all, Brittney gave direction that complimented my body and the set. I even opted to wear nothing under a button up, something I did not expect to do but I just felt so comfortable I wanted my photos to exude how I was feeling in that moment.

Laying on the bed with my back arched, toes pointed, head and hair hanging over the side and cramping up for holding poses (it was all good though), Brittney said “omg I have to show you” - she grabbed her Polaroid camera and snapped a shot. I remember looking at the photo and just beaming with how I was seeing my true self - I am beautiful, I found me and in that moment I realized I had nothing to hide cause I was perfect the way I am.

I took that Polaroid home to show my husband who was just about speechless in seeing his wife draped with pearls and her button up open looking carefree and happy in a moment of pure vulnerability. He was proud of me for doing something for me and not just thinking of what others thought.

Getting the opportunity to be sexy is something everyone should do - Brittney is no stranger. Between the consult, the check ins, the excitement of themes and outfits, makeup and hair - she literally becomes your personal cheerleader and friend.

At 35 years old I’ve discovered that age is a number and true beauty comes from confidence in just being you - don’t let words like “mom” and “wife” define you.  I love looking at my photo hanging in my house reminding me how gorgeous I am - it is a true queen Leo photo that shows off who I am really am.

No matter what you think you look like - the moment you see your pics you can’t help but beam with how a boudoir shoot captures a real smile, your true happiness and a confidence inside you that’s been hiding.